Google Searches Gone Wrong

People turn to internet searches for the weirdest things. I guess it is a better way to ask super embarrassing questions instead of the way we used to get all our info (although, really, where did we get our info before Google? Our friends? Parents? Teachers? I couldn’t really tell you). I know people say that there’s no such thing as a stupid question. They’ve never used Google’s prediction feature. That thing is chock-full of stupid questions. And I’m not embarrassing myself here, I am aware that the it first shows me my own search history. I’m not talking about those.

Just the other day, I was trying to find out where a certain athlete plays. I got as far as “where does t” and Google auto-completed it to “where does translation occur?” My first thought was complete confusion. I mean, are they thinking of the United Nations? Are they hoping to hire a translator or work as one and they need to know where other translators hang out? But no. It turns out that translation is a reaction inside the nucleus of a cell. Not nearly as fun as where I was going with it.

I also noticed that when I type in an actress’s name, the next result is often “age.” As if I care. Usually, I am just trying to figure out what else I’ve seen them in. I get creeped out a little when after their names comes things like “feet.” Ugh. People are just gross. On the other hand, when I’m looking up actors, however, the thing that comes up first is “wife.” I don’t know if people are checking marital status (like they’d have a chance) or if actors just have hot wives or something. It’s not really something I want to think about too hard, you know? Again, I usually just want to know what else they’ve been in.

If you ever really want to worry about our species as a whole, type in “is it bad…” or “should I stop…” and see what the search engine thinks you’re going to ask next. Although it does seem that everyone is concerned about eating ice, which is weird because I’d think that there would be bigger concerns in life. Unless you’re making ice wrong, it’s just water. Dentists say that it’s bad for your teeth (that’s just common sense, people) but it’s not like there are magnets in there or chunks of plastic or anything. And if you have to ask the internet if you should stop doing something, chances are, you already know the right answer: yes, you should stop. Probably either before it gets worse or before you get caught, whichever one applies.

So that’s my funny thing about the internet today. Have you ever noticed these? Did you get any super weird search predictions, and if you did: were you curious enough to follow through to see what the answer was? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!